Sexual Aftercare: De-briefing after Debriefing
Debrief after you Debrief
By now, we all have an understanding of pre-care – you know, making sure you have water nearby to quench thirst during racy romps, doing stretches to avoid cramping, having a conversation around consent and safe words – but do you follow up your naughty noodling with aftercare?
Sex aftercare is often overlooked but it is probably the single one thing that can turn good sex into great sex. Why? Because no one likes to be left standing at the edge of a cliff. It’s like taking that long satisfying walk back down the mountain after being enchanted by a lovely view. Not having sex aftercare is closer to having to climb down the cliff without the proper gear. You might be okay, but like, why do that if you don’t have to?
Most people think of sexual aftercare as being something that you do after BDSM but some people don’t even know what the heck it is. In this article, we will break down what sex aftercare means, who it’s for, and the right scenarios to introduce it to your sex play.
WHAT THE HECK?
Sex aftercare is the phrase used in reference to catering to the physical and emotional wellbeing of your sexual partner after a session. This can include having the aforementioned water, preparing some snacks, or using pillows and blankets to make sure they are comfortable. It can also include cuddling or taking a nap. These are all ways to make your partner physically comfortable.
Know their love language
To soothe their emotions or mental state, you can have some conversation. Maybe ask them what they liked or didn’t like. The conversation doesn’t have to be about sex. It could be about a future date or a song you heard. Some people prefer not to talk at all. Knowing your and your partner’s love languages come in pretty handy here, so it’s worth having a chat about this in your pre-care so you can properly prepare for your aftercare.
The thing is, sex can be intense on every level, and as all those hormones flow through your body at the peak of orgasm, it takes some time for those endorphins to level out. In the meantime, everything you feel, think, and do can feel more amplified. This is when aftercare should take place. It helps you to “come down” from your orgasm-induced euphoria.
NOT JUST FOR KINK
Sex aftercare comes from the BDSM community. It’s a reference to the care given to the sub after pain or humiliation. It reassures them and it’s a chance to clean any wounds. It also gives them a chance to come down from heightened emotions. However, aftercare is just as important in the vanilla community. You don’t have to have flogged your partner to let them know that you care for them even after juicing the big O.
Here’s another secret. Sex aftercare isn’t just for the sub. Tops need post-lovin’ lovin’ too!. It is just as much of a mental hurdle to inflict pain for some people as it is to receive it. Even if you aren’t having kinky sex, you can still let your dominant partner know what you liked, or even give them a safe space to be emotionally submissive and vulnerable.
But WHY THO?
Simply put, sex aftercare is one of the best ways to bond with your partner. Unfortunately, a lot of people have shame around sex and this bonding is a good way to alleviate that feeling. Just think about it: if your partner feels shame around sex and you get up and leave as soon as the drip runs dry, consider how that shame could deepen.
People with better bonds have better sex. And if you can make sex better by literally just hanging out and checking on someone that likes to touch your butt, then why wouldn’t you engage in sex aftercare?