Trans Lesbian Sex 101

While the TogetherVibes sex toy can be used by anyone who enjoys penetration, it’s no secret or surprise that it most appeals to lesbian couples. We understand a lesbian to be a woman who loves other women. The identity, expressions, and relationships of what a woman can be are all on a spectrum and we think it’s important to address sex for all of our users. That includes trans lesbian sex.

What is Trans Lesbian Sex

Trans lesbian sex is sex with a lesbian who happens to be trans. According to the National Center for Trans Equality, it’s most respectful to treat someone according to their gender identity, not what they were assigned at birth. Gender identity is defined as your internal knowledge of your gender. When a person is born with male genitalia but knows themselves to be a woman and they identify as trans, they are a trans woman. When that woman loves other women exclusively, she is a translesbian.

How to have lesbian sex with a trans woman

Communication

As with any relationship, having difficult but important conversations can be the difference between genuine intimacy in and out of the bedroom, and just sex. Having a chat about trans lesbian sex can bridge the gap that leads to the trust that great relationships are made of. Before that convo can happen, though, it’s really important to figure out what you like. 

Many people use porn, literature, and self-exploration to figure out their sexual desires, but for AMAB (Assigned Male At Birth) folks that identify as women, this journey is very different. Most porn is produced and directed by cis men and their proclivities, and it rarely suits (or is even relatable to) anyone who isn’t also a cis male. Literature can be easier to - ahem - come by, but let’s be honest, these days, most people want microwaved information; to learn as much as they can as quickly as they can. If it’s not a 60-second video, some people are just not going to give it the time of day. For transgender lesbians, including porn or erotic literature about trans lesbian sex can be instrumental in conversations around consent while also providing lesbian sex tips on interests and kinks.

Trans Anatomy 101

Trans identities are on a spectrum. Beyond identifying as transgender lesbians, they can identify as he, she, they, neither, both, or nonbinary. And it can be situational. Not all translesbians have dysmorphia or are interested in changing parts of their bodies. Not all have or even want surgeries. Whatever is happening between their legs isn’t your business until they say so. Making assumptions isn’t helpful when thinking about what is or isn’t, or how the trans person in your life should be touched in an intimate setting. When intimacy is on the table, the preceding communication will clarify what genitalia they have, as long as how they do or do not want to be touched.

For those who are partnered with a trans person, be mindful that anatomy plays a significant part in how they see themselves. You should not only be affirming in how you speak about their genitalia, but also in how you touch your partner. Having the aforementioned conversation gives everyone a chance to be of one accord. Don’t assume that your partner wants to penetrate just because they have a penis, or that they want to be penetrated if they don’t. Just ask. The idea of what trans lesbian sex looks or feels like can vary from person to person. 

Types of Stimulation

Part of the exploration process of trans lesbian sex is experimentation with someone you trust. What sounds good in theory may not feel great in practice but the opposite is also true. What you weren’t into might be awesome in real life. Go slowly, and try out different kinds of stimulation. Don’t be afraid to say that you don’t know how to touch your partner. They can show you. Likewise, don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you don’t like. An up-and-down motion for an MTF trans person may trigger some unwanted feelings, so don’t default to that stimulation. You can try applying pressure like hard stippling or squeezing, or even making circular motions. A little lube and an open mind can go a very long way here. 

Lastly, there is self-exploration. That can include masturbation, but it doesn’t have to. Self-exploration should feel good, but if your body doesn’t align with what you think it should be, masturbation could deepen feelings of dysphoria. It’s especially important for a trans person to figure out what kind of touches feel true to them and make them feel like the sexy being they are. Even though this can be a difficult and emotional process, on the other side of it is being sure of what you do and do not like so you can share this information with the people who are lucky enough to be your lovers.

Non-Penetrative Sex

Non-penetrative sex is sex without penetration. Some people think this means no insertion at all, and some people think it refers to all sex that doesn’t involve inserting a penis. Of course, there are people who straddle the fence and land somewhere in between. You would need to define what it means for yourself and your partner(s), but for the purpose of this article, we are referring to non-penetrative sex and sex that does not include the insertion of a penis or phallic-like toy into any bodily orifice.

Hands

You can always use your hands and fingers to stimulate any of the erogenous zones on the body. Besides the obvious genitalia and other known hot spots, wrists, neck, back of knees, and the palms of your hand can all be sexually stimulated with the right touch. The great thing about stimulation using your hands is that you don’t need a partner. Perfect for exploring!

Oral Stimulation

Oral sex is also on the table depending on what your partner is into. It’s worth having the conversation. Some women love to receive oral sex and some don’t. That isn’t dependent on their genitalia or how they identify. Oral stimulation could be simple kisses, or more involved like licking and sucking.

Tribadism

Rubbing your genitals against each other’s body parts can feel incredibly good. If your bodies align a certain way, you might even be able to grind genitals to genitals – otherwise known as scissoring. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work for you. Even though it’s a real thing, many lesbians just aren’t into it. It can be physically demanding and because our bodies are all so different, what works with one partner may not work at all with another.

Penetrative Sex

Penis-in-vagina sex can still be an option for trans lesbian couples. This is a delicate conversation that is better had between the two people engaging. It involves more than just a conversation around anatomy, but identity, expression, and unfortunately, politics also play a role...

The Positively Pleasurable Perineum

Stimulating the perineum is a great way to initiate pleasurable erotic sensations that have very little to do with the penis. The most well-known way to access this area is through the anus, but you can deliver some pretty hot pressure via the “taint”. This smooth area is behind the genitals but before the anus accesses the “p-spot” when the right pressure is applied. From there, it’s just a matter of rhythm and depth. You can use your hands or a vibrating sex toy. Some prefer a large massager for those deep impactful thrusts.

Trans identities are complex, as is every other identity. Because of a mix of misinformation and lack of information, there is this nonsensical, monolithic idea of what being a transgender person is or means. Every trans person has their own story, their own journey, and their own way of discussing who they are. It’s ever-evolving, and the truth is, none of it is your business until they decide otherwise. If they do, honor that place of trust. 

All in all, trans lesbian sex does not have to be daunting. Like any other intimate situation, communication, consent, trust, and an open mind will help you and your partner go the distance in the bedroom, and in life.